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There are no perfect people, and therefore no perfect relationships, but sometimes, despite how imperfect we are, we find someone who is just perfect for us. Still, we are all human, and unexpected problems may arise at some point. Sometimes these problems are deal breakers, but sometimes, breakup isn’t an option. Even when there have been no deal breaking actions from our significant other, something has come up, and things have got to change. Learn about relationship dealbreakers and how to deal with problems in relationships that are worth keeping.
So, you’ve found the perfect man or woman, and you can’t imagine yourself ever being with anybody else besides them. Some people would say this is absolute paradise, but then one day an unexpected problem arises, and you just don’t know what to do about it. Part of being in relationships is working through problems, and while it’s not fun, it’s absolutely worth it with the right person. Sometimes, your feelings are strong for someone, but they aren’t actively involved in the relationship and you know it’s just a matter of time before you leave. How do you know the difference between healthy love and a bad relationship and what are some things that kill a relationship? Take our quiz to see if you should stay in the relationship, and learn a few easy ways to become more involved in a good relationship. Finally, read to see some simple solutions to some problems that don’t have to end in breakup!
When you are in a great relationship, you may think things will always be easy and there will never, ever be any problems. Then again, a lot of people say that if they are in love, they can overcome anything together as a couple. How to know if a man is in love with you is how he treats you and how willing he is to have a happy life with you. If he makes you his top priority and won’t let anybody speak against you, chances are he loves you. If a woman loves you, she will make sure she doesn’t trigger your anxieties, and when you are feeling anxious, she will do what she can to guide you through it so you can feel better.
People who love you want you in their lives and they don’t act like they are annoyed if you want to talk or text often, and they will look forward to as much time as they can possibly spend with you. They will involve you in their plans for the future and they will include you in making decisions. You won’t have to consult articles like “How to Make Your Boyfriend Want You Again”, when he loves you because he won’t make you question his feelings.
When you are in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who you love as much as they love you, your communications with one another can be so harmonious, that you may rarely, if ever have any conflicts, and that type of peace in a relationship might make you think nothing can ever go wrong, but sometimes it does. Sometimes, early on in relationships, everything seems perfect, but as time goes on, red flags pop up or major issues arise. You may discover that what you had previously believed to be a good relationship was actually a negative relationship.
A lot of different things can go wrong to make a relationship a negative one. A negative relationship is just a relationship that is toxic to one or both people, or just isn’t working and the relationship needs to end. A lot of times, one or both individuals are the cause of the issues in the relationship, but sometimes, it’s really nobody’s fault. Sometimes two people want different things in life and staying together creates resentment when one person feels they are being held back by the other who does not want the same things they do. Being unable to have a lifestyle that fits with the life your partner has, for whatever reasons can create a negative relationship even if neither person means for it to.
Sometimes, however, one person is making it unbearable for their partner to be with them, and that’s how the relationship becomes negative. Sometimes, people get into relationships to take advantage of a partner for money, and other times, toxic people need somebody to abuse and control. Some people cheat and even withhold sex from their partners, and sometimes, people stop spending time with their partner, and this makes them feel very alone. Some people only have a partner so they have somebody to insult, tear down, and verbally abuse to satisfy their own need to be cruel, and some people are only in a relationship so they are not alone, but they don’t care about their partner at all.
A negative relationship is basically any relationship that is hurtful, that takes away your happiness that holds you back from the life you want, and it is a relationship that is somehow unfulfilling. Nobody deserves to be stuck in a negative relationship. While there are issues that can arise in any relationship, truly negative relationships are those where no improvement happens and they stay negative. There are countless things that can happen that are deal breakers after relationships become so toxic people can’t stand it anymore.
When you’ve taken all you can, and you just can’t take anymore of whatever is making your relationship negative, and it causes the breakup, this is called the dealbreaker. A deal breaker can be pretty much anything but there are some common things that seem to always lead to break up if they are not remedied. If a lover is selfish in bed, or doesn’t act like they want a relationship, a lot of people refuse to stick around for that. Some people’s partner pulls away and some partners cheat, which leads them to terminate the relationship. Some people are constantly hurting their partner or just never spend any time with them, and those things often lead to breakups as well.
Lack of satisfying intimacy has ended more than one relationship. A study cited in Psychology Today found that sex is important to relationships not only for pleasure, but to make couples feel closer to each other and this strengthens their bonds to one another. Some people say sex isn’t the reason they came together, but when a couple’s sex life suffers, it may negatively affect the relationship.
Onlinedovorce.com states, “Lack of sex in relationships is the most common cause of cheating among men and women. When there is no passion, sex, or physical attraction in a couple, spouses might start looking for these things in relationships with other people. It is worth noting that many spouses do not think about cheating, even when they find themselves in a situation with the absence of sex in marriage. But as the relationship worsens, many may change their mind to the opposite. And as soon as infidelity starts occurring, the chances of saving the existing marriage will plummet.”
That is not to say cheating is justified, but some people need physical intimacy in their relationship and if they are not getting it, they seek it elsewhere. Healthline reported the top reasons people report that they got divorced is communication issues, feeling they have grown apart, financial issues, and infidelity. Lack of sex does not top the list, and doesn’t have to kill a relationship, but it can.
If your significant other is not satisfying you sexually, you may be able to work through it, but you have to talk about it. It’s an uncomfortable topic, but if your partner truly cares about you, they will listen and take your feelings to heart. Not everybody does, however, and they are just too selfish to understand that their boyfriend or girlfriend is a human being, not a sex toy, and sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable. If your partner doesn’t care about your sexual needs, you are not wrong if you leave.
Do you feel like you have an indecisive boyfriend or girlfriend? Do they give mixed signals, enjoying a date one time, but then acting like you are an “old ball and chain” the next and you just don’t know how to interpret it? If this is happening, chances are, you are dating someone who just isn’t wanting to commit, and you know what? That’s okay because they don’t have to. Long term commitment isn’t for everybody, and sticking by somebody who only wants you around part of the time doesn’t have to be what you settle for. You might have a good time when they come around, but if they are not interested in a serious relationship, and you are, moving along to find somebody else who does is alright.
“My boyfriend is pulling away and I don’t know what to do.” Do you want to know what to do when your boyfriend pulls away? Let him. That’s right, you can let a partner who pulls away do so and not chase them or beg them to come back. People stay when they want to and they leave when they want to. You can certainly try to talk about things, but if talking gets you nowhere and they are literally absent from the relationship, you can consider the relationship over and move on without them. Some relationships are long term ones we have for the rest of our life, but others are short term, and holding out for somebody who stepped out on you isn’t something you are required to do.
Statistics on cheating will surprise you. It is assumed that men cheat more often than women do, but modern statistics show that men and women both reported that they cheat on their partners about fourteen percent of the time. Older studies said about seventy five percent of men and sixty eight percent of women admitted to cheating. Either way, the older study only placed men seven percent more likely to cheat than women. How cheating is defined by people makes the issue tricky. Some consider sex with someone else cheating, and others consider flirting or looking at online dating profiles as infidelity. Read more about cheating statistics here:
“My best friend kissed my boyfriend and I walked in and caught them!” If you have a partner who you are supposed to be in a committed relationship with, and you have caught them cheating, you may feel the trust is destroyed in your relationship. Some people have been able to move past infidelity and stay together, but that’s not something you are required to do. Some people can’t bear being with someone who cheated on them, and they are shamed for not being forgiving enough. You certainly can forgive if you want to, but even if you forgive that doesn’t mean you have to stay together.
A major deal breaker is if somebody is hurting you all the time, and they just won’t stop. Some people who hurt other people accuse the people who they hurt of “overreacting” or being “too sensitive”, but that’s not fair. If you care about someone, you would not deliberately do things you know hurt them. How to let your boyfriend know he hurt your feelings is to just tell him. Maybe he did not mean to, but what if he did? People who deliberately hurt you and then blame you for “choosing to react that way” don’t deserve a relationship with you. It is fair to say that not everybody is hurt by all the same things, and if someone flat out insists on doing things that hurt you, you can certainly let them go so they can be free to behave that way towards other people who will tolerate it instead.
Having a significant other who spends little or no time with you may feel like you don’t have a relationship at all. If your significant other can, but will not spend time with you, are they really a significant other at all? Relationships are meant to be between people who spend time together, not people who say they are involved with one another, but just don’t spend time together. Some people are okay with a relationship where they see one another seldomly, but if you aren’t, and your partner just isn’t around for whatever reason, it’s okay to break off the relationship and find someone else who will spend plenty of time with you. The decision is yours and nothing anybody else says can tell you what to do in this situation.
The ultimate “Is Your relationship Worth Saving Quiz” is simple and can be answered with one question, and one question only and that is: Are you both willing to do what it takes to make things work? Most problems can be worked through, but both people in a relationship have to be completely onboard to do that. Everybody you know may insist you should break things off, but deep in your heart, you know you don’t have to do that. You and your significant other will have to work together to decide if the relationship is worth keeping, and no quiz can give you that answer. However, there are some things to consider and to read things to think about in regard to breakups, see here:
Say your relationship is great, but there are some things you can think of to improve things. Is your partner pessimistic and it’s grating on your nerves? Would you like more intimacy in your relationship? What happens when you disagree on how many things you should both do together?
“ My boyfriend is negative and I don’t like that!” What do you do when you are in love with somebody who is pessimistic, grouchy, or dead set on complaining all the time? You can do a few different things. First, you can roll your eyes and make jokes when they are going overboard and make them laugh about it. This helps some people to lighten up sometimes and encourages them to look on the bright side. You can also have a heart-to-heart talk, explaining you worry they upset themselves unnecessarily, and tell them with counseling they can learn good ways to redirect their thinking when it becomes negative. You can ignore the negativity, and they will learn you won’t let them draw you in. You can also just accept them for the way they are.
“I kiss my boyfriend, but I’m not sure it’s enough.” Some people thrive with physical affection and feel emotionally starved without it. If you are one of those people, simply tell your partner you would like more affection and/or sex in your relationship. A lot of people will be thrilled to have the chance to be more physically expressive in their relationships.
“My boyfriend doesn’t want to do anything at all!” A lot of couples find themselves disagreeing on how many things they want to go out and do together. Some people call themselves “homebodies” and they like to rest and relax in the comfort of their own homes when they are done with work, chores, and errands. Some people love to be on the go, seeing the world and enjoying travel, gatherings, and events. Sometimes these kinds of people fall in love with one another, and disagree on how many things they ought to go and do. Compromise is necessary to make a relationship work, and both the more home based and more community-based individuals have to make concessions to one another. There is no reason either person has to give up doing what they love, but both of them can step outside of their comfort level to accommodate their partner. Often, we find that when we embrace new experiences, we find new things we love to do!
Small issues aside, there are some things that are serious problems, but they don’t have to be insurmountable. What happens when somebody else has a crush on your partner, or one of you becomes jealous for some reason? How do you decide on how to give one another time and space to cool down after a disagreement, and how do you, as a couple, deal with it if one of you happens to be good friends with an ex?
So you are in a committed relationship, and some young cute little lady thinks she can have your man for herself. What do you do? You can handle a thing like this one of two ways. First, you can scream, yell, make a scene, and accuse your partner of infidelity immediately. Or, you can think of the kind of person you are with, what you know about them, and assess whether you believe they would ever cheat on you. Chances are, the answer is you trust them not to cheat, and when this is so, you never need to worry about someone else taking your partner from you. Depending on how inappropriate the individual who has a crush on them is, you or your partner may need to have a conversation with them to tell them they are not available, and after such a conversation, most people will automatically back off.
How to know if a girl is jealous is if they automatically get upset around someone you are close to who has not done anything wrong. If you have a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend, a conversation about what is bothering them will reveal what is going on in their hearts, and explaining that everything is alright might be all you need to do to calm their worries sometimes. Some people have dangerous, possessive tendencies, and that’s not at all healthy. Some people, on the other hand, feel a bit of jealousy because they love you so much, they are terrified of ever being without you. Finding out your partner's feelings is the first step to dispelling any worries they may have, and the jealousy can be laid aside.
A lot of couples have the occasional fight, and some people are very good about talking things out until everything is settled. Some people, however, need a short time to calm down and collect their thoughts before the problem is solved. Yelling, heated discussion, and tension can drive some people away, and they need to take a step away to calm down before any discussion can be productive. The longer you are in a relationship with someone, the better you will come to know them. Giving your partner the space they need to breathe deeply and think is a very loving thing to do, and they will appreciate you for it.
Some people call staying friends with an ex engaging in unfinished relationships, but unfinished business in relationships is completely different than remaining friends with someone who romance did not work out with. If your “boyfriend checklist” on your list of what the perfect guy is like includes “He has no friendships from old romances” you may have a problem finding a boyfriend. A cheat is one kind of person, but someone who has no romantic feelings for anybody else but you who happens to be friends with an ex is not cheating. Remember that your partner broke up with their ex for a reason, and they are with you now. Being with you but having a friendship with someone they once dated is not cheating or rehashing an old romance.
How to know if a girl is testing you to see what you will do is obvious. She will be watching all that you do, and may even compare you to somebody who hurt her before. Some people who have endured abuse in relationships have to watch new relationships carefully to slowly build trust. They may be over an ex, but they might not be over what their ex did to them. Every loving thing you do for them will be noticed and appreciated. If you give your boyfriend or girlfriend the time to learn that you are not going to be like their hurtful ex, they will appreciate you being patient and understanding with them. After all, if somebody was special enough for you to fall for them, they are certainly special enough for you to let them learn to trust in love again.
So, there you have it! There are plenty of things that are deal breakers in relationships, but there are plenty of things that are not. If a problem arises that you and your boyfriend or girlfriend can work through, your relationship can survive and thrive. There might not be perfect people, but sometimes the people we meet and fall in love with are perfect for us, as imperfect as they may be! Trust your heart and your instincts and you will know who your perfect love is and how to work through problems!
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